BB Art 11


2015.11.03. | Face your fears to find yourself
„Face your fears, leave your unbelief and break your limits in order the kingdom of heaven could open for you, where you are waiting for yourself.”

The desire lives in me to create, manifest, something by me, to love... I choose the topic, I am in love, I adore it, becasue it is so perfect, but I stay and I freeze: „I cannot do that, I am not able to do that... „In the background you can hear the classical piano, violin and chello, I hold the pencil in my hand, I am thinking, but I can not... I start focusing, the music becomes one with the universe, and I start to be a part of it as well, It does not last too long and we are together, I am completely and entirely a part of, there are no thoughts, just the the existence and the creation, and a deep calm peace and love surronds me (us). I hear the voice of the graphite and I see as it is crumbling into small pieces... or am I evaporate? The borders of the physical world disappear, and yes this is me as well, I am a pert of it with all my cells. I take the oil paint tubes out, and I start mixing the colors. I detect its velvety, silky consistence in my entire body, and a world with thousands shades of colors opens for me when i mix the colors. My first movements are indefinite while I am putting the strokes to the canvas. I put the colors and stains next to each other, and a thought appears and I find myself again in the limits of the physical world: „Oh no, this does not make sense, shape, color, only separated spots, I am not able to....” „I am looking for the beauty, but I see only meaningless spots. Then I start focusing again, and I pull the colors together with my brush, and they almost merge into one another, as I melt into the universe again. I just enjoy as the brush almost blends into the canvas and I merge into this calmness. I must stretch, I stand up and I look at the picture from a distance: „Unbelievable, it is impossible, I did not do this, I am not able to do something like this... but I did it, and I am in love more than I have ever  been, I just watch it, and I start loosing myself in the viewing... I feel, I am one with it, that is me... I am in love...